I think this will be a pretty long picture post. I know this is my very first post but, I'm not really good with words. Let the pictures here speak their thousand words.
ugh, i should really stop wallowing in self-pity.
It's almost the end of 2012 already, and thinking back, I think I've lost a lot of friends, maybe they weren't even my friends to being with. I really thought this year would be a fresh start, being in a new class and having new classmates. Maybe I'll make new friends, maybe I will. I don't think i made new friends but I really feel like I've lost some. Some I've lost due to us drifting apart, some I've lost to another person and some I've lost cos they gave up on me. I know, i'm not the easiest person to be with. I'm used to it, people talking bad about me, people disliking me, people judging me and people walking away from me. But just because I'm used to it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Just because I accepted it doesn't mean I'm not wounded by it. Cruel words cut me but nothing cuts deeper than a friend giving up and walking away.
Really, why? Hurts to know that i'm replaceable. Hurts to know that I'm not worth fighting for. It sucks, really, it does. Sometimes I wonder, if I'm gone, would people notice? Would people care?
More than anything in the world, i just want to matter. I just want to be worth something, to someone. I just want to be someone people find it hard to walk away from. I just want to stop feeling so alone.
Sometimes I'm strong enough to be optimistic so I think
but then again
I guess I'm being emotional because I just came back from sending my aunt off to the airport. Seeing those flights to different countries, it made me think how easy it would be to just run away. I just want to travel. Getting lost might help me to find myself.
I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it.
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